One of the most painful feelings I’ve always struggled with is the sense of not being accepted. It made it impossible to feel comfortable in my own skin.
Everyone experiences this to some degree, but for some, it’s much stronger. It’s that inner voice that constantly doubts your value, making you feel unnecessary and insignificant. It’s truly painful.
An astrologer once told me that my main life tasks were to become emotionally stable and to fix the routs of this stability. Back then, I realized that everything starts with emotional stability. You need a solid internal foundation just to function properly and achieve your goals.
Since childhood, I felt like an outsider. It started with the fact that I wasn’t a “planned” child. This was programmed into me even before I was born. I have an older brother, and my mother wanted a second child only as a “backup” in case something happened to the first. Her motivation wasn’t to give a child love and kindness, but something else. This doesn’t mean she didn’t love me, but she loved me “in her own way” because she didn’t know what real love was herself-she never received it from her parents.
When I started working on myself, I learned that this is called the “rejection trauma” I read about it in Lise Bourbeau’s book “The Five Wounds”. These traumas affect almost everyone, but they shape our psyche in fundamental ways.
I spent my life feeling abandoned. I craved closeness, yet I rejected my own feelings and criticized the people who triggered them.
In astrology terms my most painful point is Chiron in Taurus in the 4th house. This represents a wounded sense of basic security and the feeling that “I don’t have a right to exist here” or “I’m just a guest.” I didn’t feel like a continuation of my parents or my lineage. I even avoided saying where I was born because I denied my connection with relatives.
I got used to being alone. I was suspicious of everyone, and it took years for someone to “earn” my trust.
Another big part of my life was the fear of being rejected. It paralyzed me. For example, I once spent two weeks preparing for a single “cold call” to sell a service, just because I was terrified of being told “no.” And of course, the first person said “no.” It triggered so much negativity that it took me another two weeks just to recover.
Even though I loved nature, I never felt grounded. My legs and my root chakra Muladhara were completely blocked.
When I started using the DMs Restoring the Sense of Belonging and Receiving the Land I immediately felt a huge flow of energy through my legs. My feet, which had been cold my whole life, suddenly started getting warmer.
Because my emotions and body are so connected, the physical changes were instant: muscle tension in my legs and hips began to release.
After three weeks, I started feeling my root chakra very strongly. I felt a real vibration at the base of my spine. The release of energy was so intense it was almost uncomfortable-my body would twitch as the blocks cleared. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep for hours because of the vibrations in my feet and hips.
The process of relief affected three energy centers: the root, the solar plexus, and the heart.
Now, I feel an incredible sense of safety. No matter what is happening around me, I stay calm. This is especially meaningful because I live in Ukraine. Even with the war, the missiles, and the sirens, I feel peaceful.
While my wife goes to the bomb shelter, I can often stay calm and even sleep through the alerts.
It’s hard to put into words, but I finally feel like I am “in my place,” regardless of the circumstances. There is a deep inner silence and a feeling that everything is okay.
I’ve started to see my family lineage as a warm, supportive structure, I feel more love for my parents and ancestors. The constant “rat race” for achievements has disappeared; I just enjoy being alive.
I used to dream of escaping to Hawaii or Australia to find a “better place,” but that urge is gone. The background anxiety is replaced by physical peace. I am finally home-in my body, my family, and my land.
I feel like this transformation is still unfolding, but I wanted to share my feedback after four weeks.
